If you're not scared yet, you should be now!Here I sit, still retarded, tried to type but only sharted. Well, not really. I've been away for a while...on purpose. Sometimes it's good to step away from the things that turn your screw, crank your shaft, butter your muffin, even if it's just for a few days. My last ride worthy of blogging (less a few that are unmentionable) was a jaunt in the woods with my pal ZB.
I've been crying "i want to go to FATS", "let's go ride FATS" since early summer when i first heard how wonderful FATS is. Finally someone in my posse stepped up and said "let's go" (yeah, I have a posse). ZB and I hopped in the car cause we was on a quest--50 miles of FATS, just a little test. Zoomin to James Brown Town at the speed of sound. Directtions were simple: 26 south twards James Brown Town, pass Gypsy town, go Right and the trail head is on the Left. Seemed simple enough until we started seeing weird sites.
Often i felt like ZB and I had actually entered the twilight zone. I swear I saw a few wolf boys and a hot nurse with a pig head, maybe even two. We stopped at a store that was the muse for the writing of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Poltergeist TV on the wall, truck parts, spare tires, 1 old cash register, campers in the front parking lot, dust on all the sugar filled fat kid treats and i swear i heard the buzz of a bug zapper in the distance. All this and a sober ZB??? WTF??? I would have felt safer allowing Woody cart me in the Bobcat across Triple Falls at Dupont. Bla bla bla.
We continued southbound and rolled into a town called Saluda. Now, don't confuse the South Cacka Saluda with the North Cacka Saluda. The SC Saluda makes the NC Saluda's Coon Dog Day Festival look like a f*c!&ng Mensa convention. Anyway, more on SC Saluda later.
ZB and I rode two complete loops totalling 50.25 miles. Yay. I was feeling slow due to a long year on the bike. I just wanted to stop and lay in the sun. ZB was in typical form and meeting every challenge I presented. FATS was worth the drive. We left the Mother Pisgah for a rolling terrain of only 25 miles? Yeah, it rocked. Hats off to Todd the trail master for laying these suckers out. We went counter clockwise the first loop and then hit it reversed the 2nd time. FATS was a blast. There were dips, berms, quiet pine forests, short hills, little grunter hills, fun schwoopy shit and fast blasts through twisty pines and hardewoods. We were having so much fun, i think i only took 7 or 8 pictures. Here they are:
Protectors of the trail. You must give penance to these folks or be doomed. Well, the ride photos summed it up. Excellent ride, cool trails, constant peddling instead of constant climbing.
We finished up our ride, packed the car, jawed with a couple locals who were amazed that we'd ditch Pisgah for FATS and headed back up the grade, to SC Saluda that is. I, as always needed some food, especially since my companion was wearing his sobriety hat (freak). As we approached Saluda, I spotted what i thought was a melon stand but turned out to be only apples 
and oranges and some pee cans. I talked ZB into posing with the lady with the melons, for sale that is. I can't post my picture with her, it might jeoparrdise my future seat in the senate.
and oranges and some pee cans. I talked ZB into posing with the lady with the melons, for sale that is. I can't post my picture with her, it might jeoparrdise my future seat in the senate.We ate an apple or two and continued on to Saluda where the main road was closed for a Christmas parade so we had to navigate on the side streets of town, where we found the next photo opp.
I pray. I'm spiritual and i'm not baptist. I don't judge those of other religions, i don't even judge bapptists but if your just fricking ignorant I consider you fair game. I'll end this post with the following photo:
I swear it's real.
Peace to you all and I hope to see you all on the trails real soon.
DJC
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